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Take Five

Once upon a time I used to have some trouble sleeping…and it had nothing to do with a newborn baby.  I was prescribed Ambien…and aside from a few cases of amnesia, I found that it worked very well; I slept through the night and was not foggy the next morning.  After spending the better part of the last 3 years with child or with newborn (or both) and not feeling comfortable taking a sleep aid for fear that I might have to get up in the middle of the night, my kids have finally gotten old enough to where I feel like I can treat myself to a good night’s sleep every once in a while.  My husband doesn’t understand…but last night, as I lie awake from a little bit after 1am to almost 2, I couldn’t help tossing around all of the reasons why I take it.

I always seem to wake up around 1am, for whatever reason…and then I always seem to have so much trouble getting back to sleep (for a number of reasons).  Last night (which was Ambien-free) the first thing that ailed me was recurring thoughts about a patient that needed my help.  What was so troubling is that I think the patient was actually a dream. I kept telling myself “Stop worrying about this; it’s only a dream.”  And I might have been able to turn my mind off and go back to sleep except that someone’s snoring was keeping me awake.  That is usually the culprit when I can’t sleep.  I hate that I have become such a light sleeper, but the reality is, unless there is complete silence, I fall asleep.  Then there was the moment that I thought I heard one of the babies cry out…at which point I leapt out of bed and raced to their room, only to find both of them sleeping like…babies.  I got back in bed and started having a pain in my leg that I prayed wasn’t a DVT.  Finally, there was the clock taunting me with it’s large, bright green, ever-changing numbers.  And all that I kept going through my mind was “THIS is exactly why I take Ambien.”  When I take it, I am not kept up by my husband’s snoring, I am not preoccupied with work, I don’t hear phantom cries from the babies’ room, and I do not worry about the fact that it’s 2am and I have to be up in 4 hours. I don’t even need a whole pill…5mg is all I need.  And who knows…the pills I have are so old, it might even be a placebo effect…haha!!

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